the-perfect-fail

Whale-Change

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 03:31:05 +0100

Well, I've noticed.
"What have you noticed?" you ask? You didn't ask? Well I'm going to tell you anyway!
I've noticed... that I'm pretty much only using the blog section of this website, and that by the time I'm able to actually release anything I'll probably be able to get a better website than this anyway.
So, for that reason, The Whale Before Water exists, and I'll be using that for all blog things from now on. It's several times better than this website, at least for what I'm using this website for.

My Name...

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 14:53:08 +0100

So recently I've been wondering about my name...
Not my gender, I'm as certain about that as I think I can be right now. My name though... Hayley Harisse? I'm not sure about it anymore... I'll keep it until I get another name, of course, but... I can't think of anything.

In unrelated news...
It was my birthday yesterday! I got a laptop! Eat THAT lack-of-privacy!
Now I've got a computer good enough (my old computer had trouble having three tabs open in Firefox), I'm currently playing through an ISO of Chrono Cross. Awesome times!

Earliest Possible Train Home

Tue, 13 Oct 2009 23:24:15 +0100

Hey look, a new post! Been nearly a month and a half!
(The title is an Imogen Heap reference, by the way)

Before I say anything new and particularly important, I feel the need to say; I do actually miss the recordings of what I wrote the most. To be honest, I musically prefer Helen Trevillion, but there's a chance I'll be able to hear those songs again. Currently I only have my own memory to trust rather than that of a machine, to remember things I've written.

Ok. Here goes the actual post now.

Progress in money-getting! My older sister is getting a job distributing catalogues. There's some special business thing involved I think. The important thing is that after about a month, I'll (probably) be joining her team. I think she's going to be my boss. I can't remember much about it right now but it doesn't matter. What matters is that I'll be getting money, which is the main problem with my plan. It starts with getting money (to buy a laptop, to leave home, to get at-least-acceptable recording software, and so on), but I kind of didn't really have much of a plan for actually getting money before.

Going over to the next good thing...

My sister's supervisor-type-person came to pick her up (to take her to an induction thing) yesterday. No big deal there right? Well, I was playing Wii in the living room, so she had to see me to pick my sister up. But apparently, in the car, she asked my sister;
"Was that your sister in the living room?"
And... my sister just said "yes", because (here's the bring-down-to-earth explanation) she thought that my younger sister might have been there, and she couldn't remember, and she couldn't be bothered to remember.
So... I look possibly female? That's awesome! I was just looking like I normally do as well! Of course, we all laugh about it, and my sister jokingly calls me her sister sometimes now. I don't mind, it's great that I can be "mistaken" for a girl. Wow, almost feels like I'm half of the way towards coming out. Almost!

Leading to the next thing...

My younger sister split up with her boyfriend. Not initially good-sounding, I know, but it was mutual, and they're still friends, so it's ok. The important thing is that her now ex-boyfriend is actually my friend as well (and was before he was her boyfriend), and the only reason I haven't come out to him yet is because I don't want my sister (or any of my family) to know yet, and she probably would've found out if I had while they were still together.

So there. Money opportunity, being "mistaken" for a girl, and soon having somebody to come out to. Exciting things!

A Seriously Great Loss

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 14:37:45 +0100

Earlier this morning (or maybe last night, it was night when I started writing the previous post), I dropped my mp3 player. I've done it loads of times, and it's always survived before now, but now it can't load anything at all, and it ticks occasionally like it's trying to. I've tried resetting it, and the resetting part worked, but it doesn't get past telling me what kind of mp3 player it is. Eventually it comes to this "Recovery Mode" menu, with the choices of "Clean Up" "Format All" "Reload Firmware" and "Reboot". It's possible to connect it to a computer at that menu, and it came up with the same window it usually does when I did, but when I clicked Browse Media...
WHEN I CLICKED BROWSE MEDIA...
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
I had recordings of things I'd written.
But most importantly...
Most significantly...
I have lost all the Helen Trevillion music I had.
There were songs that I most likely wouldn't be able to get again.
I mean, I have CDs of most of the music there, and I could download at least most of the rest again, but...
...
(Actually, on that topic, what exactly is going on with the Faefly website? "Parse error: parse error, unexpected $ in /home/content/f/a/e/faefly/html/amongtheivorystars/index.php on line 24" is not what I want to see).

It Is Purple Haze

Tue, 01 Sep 2009 20:49:57 +0100

Wow am I late with this one...
(The title is a Genesis reference, by the way)

So recently (like, nearly a month ago, sorry about the delay) I've been thinking about the twin-personality thing.
In the past I've had doubts about it. In all the cases I remember, the names were different, but the people were basically the same. When I had doubts before, it would result in me becoming just one person for a few days, then I'd go back to being two people. Sometimes that would result in another name turning up, and I'd have the new person and the person who survived the last moment of doubt. Sometimes the person who went would come back. Either way, I'd go to being one person, then return to being two people. I've had to deal with this going on in my head for years, I can't remember how many, it was definitely happening during most of school.
My imagination never liked staying in my head. It took a lot longer for me to clearly see the difference between imagination and reality than it does for most people, and I think my imagination stayed fairly active in my head after I started to see the line. For a year or two, there were quite a few people in here (I think seven was the most). Eventually it went down to two and sometimes three, and then just two.
I don't think I ever really wanted to leave the past behind. I always loved nostalgia. I always loved remembering things; life before primary school, old characters my siblings created, being entirely incapable of completing any old Sonic game in a day. There's a castle in Mario 3 with lots of doors in, and you have to go through the sixth one.
Recently (like, nearly a month ago, sorry about the delay) I started looking at who Richard was. What he was made up of. I remembered myself. I remembered everything I used to be, everything I have been. Things I hated, things I liked, but all of which were things I no longer am. Richard was everything about me I never wanted to leave behind. Everything I wanted to keep from a person I just am not anymore (I think "am't" should be a word, it would come in handy at times like these).
I wasn't expecting Richard Artwright to come back a few days later, but it occurred to me maybe about a week afterwards that this is the first time I've become one person and actually stayed one person.

So I'm just Hayley Harisse now, I'm actually female, and I've got another post on the way soon (a considerably shorter post, so maybe less-than-an-hour soon).

On A Lighter Note!

Tue, 01 Sep 2009 05:13:13 +0100

So! The last post was (actually unintentionally) a bit depressing. I want to make this post much more optimistic.

I've been really happy pretty much all day. I think it's because I've been listening to Kirite by Yasunori Mitsuda a lot (which has some of the best violin I've ever heard, by the way). Of all the game soundtracks he's done (that I've heard so far), it probably most resembles Chrono Cross, but definitely not much. It isn't a game soundtrack, but it does have a story (as far as I know, there's currently no translation online) which was written by Masato Kato who, if you didn't know, also wrote the stories for Chrono Trigger and Chrono Cross.
Since it's Japanese and probably actually impossible to find in this country, I found it on youtube. It's all there. In the comments for one of the videos, it says where to download it. I don't trust the website, but if you want to download it, here's a slightly more direct link. From there you have to download each track separately. It's annoying, but it's worth it.

In other news! I'm sure all my reader will be happy to hear that I've finally finished watching all of Firefly! Probably tomorrow, I'll watch Serenity. It somehow feels good to get xkcd jokes in reverse.

Progress, In A Sense...

Tue, 01 Sep 2009 05:14:40 +0100

(Nearly a whole month since I last posted...)

You know I said my dad had stopped drinking, well... he recently started again. So far it's been two weekends in a row. (I'm reminded of 'The Great Escape' by Marillion. "Just when I thought I'd seen the last of you, You come here scratching at my door"). It's currently 3:10am, and it's technically Tuesday, but...
Yesterday (Sunday), was... different, to say the least. He came home noticeably drunk, and me and my brother said to my mum that we wanted to leave the house for a while, because we don't want to be here with him like he is. To be honest, he wasn't actually doing anything at that moment, he was watching TV. We put our shoes on and tried to leave, and he asked us "what pub we were going to". He grabbed my mum's arm, I tried to get him off, and it resulted in a kind of fight/struggle thing. At some point, he punched my mum in the face. We managed to leave, and we considered going to the police. We decided not to, but that we would if he was like that when we returned. An hour after we left, we went back home, and he was quietly watching TV. We took our shoes off and got some coffee. A few minutes later, my dad turned the TV off and came out to where we were. He noticed the lump on my mum's head and asked her how it happened. She told him that he did it, and he denied it, saying that she either did it herself or she was drunk and fell over. Another argument started (no fighting this time) and he used more excuses (one of which was "self-defence"). Eventually, she did call the police, and he left before they turned up. We gave the police his mobile number, and they arrested him. He's now not allowed anywhere near the house, and he's also not allowed to contact us in any way. Progress, in a sense...

Negatives:
My mum has a lump on her head where she was attacked
The fact that the police had to get involved
Um... I think that's it...

Positives:
We don't have to put up with his constant complaints and insults
We can watch TV programs and films without him talking through them
I can stay downstairs and be on the computer overnight (it hums, and it annoyed him)
Maybe he'll actually learn?

There's probably more (for both lists), but I can't think of anything else right now.

It's currently 3:38am, and it's technically Tuesday. We're out of the circle. It's the end of repetition.

The Ever-Spreading Quiztionnaire Virus

Tue, 01 Sep 2009 05:14:18 +0100

To all my thousands of readers, I present...
a questionnaire that will undoubtedly be all over the internet soon!
So I saw this on Strawberry Utopia, and after filling it out I found that I had caught the virus and was forced to repost it here! If all 20,935 of you could fill it out and put it in the comments, that'd be great.

1. Your Name:
2. Age:
3. Single or Taken:
4. Favorite Film:
5. Favorite Song or Album:
6. Favorite Band/Artist:
7. Dirty or Clean:
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:
9. Do we know each other outside of dA?
10. What’s your philosophy on life?
11. Is the bottle half-full or half-empty?
12. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?
13. What is your favorite memory of us?
14. What is your favorite guilty pleasure?
15. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:
16. You can have three wishes (for yourself, so forget all the ‘world peace etc’ malarkey) – what are they?
17. Can we get together and make a cake?
18. Which country is your spiritual home?
19. What is your big weakness?
20. Do you think I’m a good person?
21. What was your best/favorite subject at school?
22. Describe your accent:
23. If you could change anything about me, would you?
24. What do you wear to sleep?
25. Trousers or skirts?
26. Cigarettes or alcohol?
27. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together? (If you have no idea, just say something crazy, it’ll entertain me!)
28. Will you repost this so I can fill it out for you?

Comments!

Tue, 01 Sep 2009 05:15:08 +0100

Hooray! It is now possible to comment on blog posts! It was surprisingly easy to figure out too.

Perhaps Not...

Tue, 01 Sep 2009 05:15:30 +0100

O...k...
I'm not sure why I would've thought getting an LJ was a good idea. I was thinking last night and figured that I don't actually want another blog, or something. I had a reason, I really did!

Edit: Oh, and we're keeping the "y" for Hayley Harisse, just in case there was any ambiguity there.